I am happy to share with you that we will be welcoming a new baby to our family in May! Abby is ecstatic to be a big sister. Matt is so happy. We had been trying to just over a year when we had the miscarriage in August. He was so thrilled that we got pregnant again right away. Me? Well, how I feel is different on any given day.
That may seem odd to you since we very much wanted to expand our family. But something happened to me after the miscarriage. I started questioning so much of my life. Did I really want to be a stay at home mom anymore or did I want to go back to work a few days a week? Did I really want to add another kid to the family when some days, just one wipes me out? Do I want to keep blogging? Do I want to keep living where we live or move? So many questions. So much confusion. But before I could even figure out how to bring any of this up with Matt, I found out I was pregnant.
Add to that, first trimester has fairly well been kicking my butt. I’ve been feeling fairly awful. And the emotions! Oy, the emotions! I don’t know if it is the hormones, the other stuff, or a combination, but I didn’t have these mood swings with Abby. I’m not talking weepy either. I go from fine to super angry in about 2 seconds flat. I’m hoping that once I start to show more, am feeling better, and can feel the baby moving, I’ll be a bit more excited.
Please know that none of these means this baby is unloved or unwanted. I’m just going through a bit of an early mid-life crisis. I’m feeling a bit like life is happening to me and I don’t get to make decisions. With Abby three and a half and fully potty trained now, I’ve gotten back a lot of freedom. I’m going to be losing that again. I’m terrified of life changing.
I think a lot of these feelings are normal. I’ve heard from a number of women that going from one child to two children is one of the hardest transitions. Fears of having a second child can be so real. For me, to have it be happening right as I’m going through a “questioning my whole life” stage is making it even harder. It’s hard to be happy about something when you are sick and exhausted most days and feeling a bit unsettled with life in general.
One of my goals for my life is to be more intentional and thrive more than just survive. Right now, I’m just surviving.
Come party with me! Here are all the link parties I do each week.