We’ve all heard about “mommy wars.” Those highly emotional arguments about how to feed your baby, how to discipline your child, should mommy work or not, where should baby sleep. The list goes on and on. Then there is what I like to call The Silent Mommy War. It’s the one that doesn’t get exposure. It’s the one that no one thinks of as a big deal.
It’s the comparing of the “rough ages.”
You know the one I’m talking about. You’re venting a little about how tired you are as you have been up the last three nights with a teething baby when another mom tells you something like, “Oh, just wait until they’re two and they throw fights over the smallest thing.” Or you are in the middle of potty training and dealing with pee and other bodily fluids in odd places (anyone else have a toddler that liked to take off their diaper and pee in the bed?) when yet another mom tell you to enjoy it while you can because it only gets worse in those tween years.
Why do we do this? Why do we think we have to tell other moms how much worse it is going to be? Why can we not just be supportive of moms where they are, no matter the age or stage of their children?
I think of all the things moms fight about, this one bothers me the most. It’s almost like you are dismissing other moms and “one upping” them with how hard it can be to be a mom. I don’t know about you but I find every age of my child to have it’s own challenges. Teething was no harder than potty training. Potty training was no harder than the fickle nature of the three year old. The different hard things about parenting aren’t harder, they’re just different.
I know that sometimes people mean well when they say “enjoy it now, it gets worse.” They are meaning to remind you that they are only little once and the problem do get bigger. But a lot of times this type of saying or comparing just feels hurtful and disrespectful.
So before we start to say something like “you think 2 year olds are hard, just you wait,” think again. Remember what it was like when you were in their shoes. Be supportive. Acknowledge that every age and stage has it’s own set of difficulties.
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