I’m sure you’ve all heard the marriage advice “never go to bed angry.” I honestly find that to be pretty ridiculous advice. We used to follow it but all it really did was make us tired as we stayed up later to work things out…which made us more angry. It just didn’t work. That is why we think it’s okay to go to bed angry.
Yes, I realize that this sounds crazy. But hear me out. Sometimes when you are trying to figure out a solution to a problem, your emotions are involved. This is especially true in a marriage. The more you try to solve a problem, sometimes the hotter your emotions run. I don’t know about you but that is also true for me when I’m tired.
For about the first 6-8 months of our marriage we tried the whole “don’t go to bed angry” thing. We tried really hard to work out every disagreement we may have when we had it. Then one day one of us just decided, let’s just go to sleep and talk about this tomorrow. Much to our surprise, this really worked! The next day, with a night of sleep and time to calm down, we were able to work out whatever problem we had. It didn’t seem anywhere near as important either.
The next time we had a problem and started getting worked up and angry, we tried this method again. Again, it worked!
Another thing that come of this method of arguing, after we gave up and went to bed, about 10-20 minutes later, we were no longer angry. It’s kind of hard to be angry with someone you are laying next to. It always seemed like after 10-20 minutes someone would end up trying to snuggle and the anger would be gone.
Should you go to bed angry or stay up and solve the issue? Click To TweetThese days we don’t argue or fight very often. Time has helped us learn how to communicate better. Time has helped us know what the other one will think about something. But even now, if one of us is angry, we just go to bed if we can’t get it worked out. Sleep and a snuggle always seems to make everything we were fighting about seem not so important.
In essence, we are going to bed angry, but we don’t stay that way. We both feel it is important in a relationship disagreement to not let angry lead the way. For some people, they calm down by taking a break from each other. For us, it is that night of sleep that does it. If calming down to solve a problem rationally is an issue your marriage has, I suggest you try this!
How about you? Where do you fall on the go to bed angry advice?
Anastasia says
Yes! Yes! Yes! Same for us! Staying up later to hash things out only makes them so much worse because we are so exhausted! We tried the “never go to bed angry” approach when we were newly weds too, didn’t work out so well.. A good night sleep and a snuggle-perfect! Hashing things out more level headed the next day is so much better for us as well.Have a great day! Stopped over from the Shine Blog Hop!
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Julie says
So glad to hear from someone else who has had the same experience!
Steph says
Great advice. Sometimes sleep and stepping away from the argument can make all the difference!
Valerie says
Amen sister! If my husband and I don’t remove ourselves from the argument then things get too heated. For us it’s best to go to bed and give a chance for God to work on our hearts and calm down. Every time I read how we should not go to bed angry I know that my situation is different. The underlying truth is that we should not allow bitterness to take root in our hearts by going to bed angry.
Julie says
Absolutely. For me, going to bed helps calm me down but for others it would allow bitterness to settle. There is definitely not a “one size fits all.”
Ann says
This is very refreshing to read, especially in a world that says do the exact opposite. I mean, it is TOUGH to sometimes NOT go to be angry. For us, sometimes it just escalates and gets into even more nonsense vs just cooling down, going to bed “angry” and then waking up fresh. I agree with so much. Thank you!!
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Julie says
It’s usually those moments that the fight turns ridiculous about something else all together. Sometimes it actually makes us laugh but most the time, that is the sign to give up and get some sleep. 🙂
Sara says
Yes!!!! i agree! Sometimes it is best to rest and discuss it the next day with a clear head, or if you are like me and sometimes can’t sleep because you keep thinking about it you can just take a break, think about it and come back and discuss it. A lot of times we are just angry and say things we don’t mean but if we stop and recollect ourselves we will be able to discuss it rationally. Thanks for posting this!!
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
My husband and I rarely fight but I can’t stand going to sleep with unresolved stuff hanging over my head. It makes me feel worse and makes for a horrible sleep anyway.
I can definitely see your point here though.
Thanks for sharing and linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely evening!
xoxo
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…How to Use Interest Lists to Boost Your Facebook Presence
Kelsey says
Often I want to hash things out before moving on, but when we’ve gone to sleep without resolving the problem- it makes a big difference! I find that many times fulfilling a basic need (sleep, eat, exercise!) can really make a difference and make problems not seem so big!
Julie says
It really is crazy how some sleep or a meal can make a big problem not quite so important after all. 🙂