I’m sure you’ve all heard the marriage advice “never go to bed angry.” I honestly find that to be pretty ridiculous advice. We used to follow it but all it really did was make us tired as we stayed up later to work things out…which made us more angry. It just didn’t work. That is why we think it’s okay to go to bed angry.
Yes, I realize that this sounds crazy. But hear me out. Sometimes when you are trying to figure out a solution to a problem, your emotions are involved. This is especially true in a marriage. The more you try to solve a problem, sometimes the hotter your emotions run. I don’t know about you but that is also true for me when I’m tired.
For about the first 6-8 months of our marriage we tried the whole “don’t go to bed angry” thing. We tried really hard to work out every disagreement we may have when we had it. Then one day one of us just decided, let’s just go to sleep and talk about this tomorrow. Much to our surprise, this really worked! The next day, with a night of sleep and time to calm down, we were able to work out whatever problem we had. It didn’t seem anywhere near as important either.
The next time we had a problem and started getting worked up and angry, we tried this method again. Again, it worked!
Another thing that come of this method of arguing, after we gave up and went to bed, about 10-20 minutes later, we were no longer angry. It’s kind of hard to be angry with someone you are laying next to. It always seemed like after 10-20 minutes someone would end up trying to snuggle and the anger would be gone.Should you go to bed angry or stay up and solve the issue? Click To Tweet
These days we don’t argue or fight very often. Time has helped us learn how to communicate better. Time has helped us know what the other one will think about something. But even now, if one of us is angry, we just go to bed if we can’t get it worked out. Sleep and a snuggle always seems to make everything we were fighting about seem not so important.
In essence, we are going to bed angry, but we don’t stay that way. We both feel it is important in a relationship disagreement to not let angry lead the way. For some people, they calm down by taking a break from each other. For us, it is that night of sleep that does it. If calming down to solve a problem rationally is an issue your marriage has, I suggest you try this!
How about you? Where do you fall on the go to bed angry advice?
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