When I decided that I was being led to choose “Grace” as my word of the year, I had no idea how much it would get tested in the first few months of 2014. I guess God had a reason for pushing this word on me. He knew I was going to be thrown into circumstances where I was going to need to have and show grace.
I’m also learning how closely connected grace is with mercy and forgiveness. They are so closely connected, it almost feels like they are all the same thing. I feel like we have been through the fire here the past six months or so. I also feel like, with God’s help, I have been able to show grace and mercy. Still working on the forgiveness part. That part is hardest for me. I can forgive about 80-90% but then that last little bit…it is so hard for me to not hold a grudge and to trust again. So, so hard.
I’m not just talking about my interaction with other people. I also have a super hard time with forgiving myself and giving myself grace when I make mistakes. I think sometimes I’m even harder on myself than others.
With all that has been going on and all that God has been teaching me, I have still been feeling like, “What is going to happen now? What is the next ‘bad’ thing to happen?” I was opening my mouth to say something very similar to this Thursday night when talking to my husband when all of a sudden the words out of my month were, “These have been some hard months but there’s something good coming this year.”
Color me shocked! That is not what I had planned to say or was even thinking of saying. As I was saying it, a huge sense of peace came over me and I even started to get a little teary (so not like me at all). I know, without a doubt, God has something good for us down the road. I don’t know if it’s a big thing or a little thing but it’s good. I can’t help but feel like all the trials of the last few months have been for a bigger purpose than just teaching me grace and forgiveness. I’m excited…and a lot nervous, to see what is coming.
As I read through my post on what my word of the year would be, I see I ended it this way:
“2014 will be a year of asking God to help me learn to extend grace, to myself and to others. (I may come to regret this one. lol)”
I can tell you, I don’t regret it. I’m still human and I’m still frustrated and hurt by the last few months. But to have learned as much as I have….I don’t regret it one little bit.
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