I’m turning 29 this month. On the 27th to be exact. I’ve always been a birthday lover. I love to celebrate. I love all the free coffee coupons I get in the mail. 😉 I love to have an excuse to do whatever I want to do (well, to a certain extent, of course). I make a big deal about my daughter’s birthday too. But this year I’m just not feeling it.
Instead of looking forward to my birthday this year, I’m dreading it a bit. I don’t feel like I am where I wanted to be by this point in my life. I figured our house renovations would have progressed a lot more than they have by now. I figured we’d be a lot more out of debt by now. I figured I’d have another child by now.
None of those things are true. Instead of being happy about a birthday, I’m feeling pressure to get so much done in the next year so I can still meet my unofficial goal of having a bunch of things done by 30. I do realize these feelings are a bit silly. It really doesn’t matter. Lots has happened in the past 5 years. Lots of great things but also lots of things that have derailed my plans.
I am learning that my plans are not always God’s plans…and I don’t usually like that. I really would have liked to have had a second child by now. But God has not blessed us with that yet. He knows what I don’t know so I’m positive that it is for the best…but that doesn’t mean I like it.
I know in my head that 29 does not mean I suddenly only have one year left to meet my goals. I know that goals and time frames change. Some people really struggle with turning 30 or 40 or even 50. I might struggle with those too. But for now, I’m really struggling with going into the last year of my 20s. It just seems so final. My 20s brought lots of change with getting married, graduating college, buying a house, becoming a mom. I almost feel like all the big firsts are behind me now. I’m not sure I’m ready to let that go.
Between feeling like this is the “end of an era” and having some anxiety over feeling behind in my life plans, I’m just not feeling this birthday. Maybe part of it is my struggle with contentment as well. I have no grand insights into this or advice on how I’m getting through it. I know I will have to come to terms with the changes of life soon. I know that it isn’t a big deal and I will survive. I also know that there are much, much bigger problems in the world. I truly believe that God has great things in store for me for 29 and for my 30s. But I have always been honest with you all about my struggles and this is what I am really struggling with right now. May 29 be an amazing year and helps put all of my anxiety over it to rest. 🙂
Have you had a birthday that was hard to handle?
Julie, I can relate to this more than I’d like to admit. Although, I have a couple more years to live my twenties to the fullest (I’ll be 28 this year.), I feel like there is so much more I wanted to accomplish by the time I was 30. When we are young, 30 sounds so old. I always thought that when I was 30 I would have ‘arrived.’ But the truth is why I’m much farther along than my newly turned 20-self, there is so much about who I am and what I love that I’m still learning. All that to say, you are not alone!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, so I know I’m not alone in this, either! 🙂 The struggle is real. 😉
Kelsey Ferguson recently posted…4 Simple Ways to Add Scripture To Your Family’s Day
Yes, “arrived.” That is such a great way of saying it! That’s kind of how I’ve been feeling. But you are right. I have accomplished much since 18/20 and have grown so much. That’s nothing to be upset again. 🙂
Happy birthday to you! I think we’re always going to feel a bit unfulfilled and I had the same issues when I turned 30. When I was younger I thought 30 was the age to understand everything. I never understood when my teachers said they weren’t sure what they wanted to do with their lives because I thought they were already doing it. Teaching. That was it. But I understand so much more now and just because you’ve chosen a profession or ended up at a certain point in life doesn’t mean that’s the result you wished for. I’m so grateful for everything in my life because even though it’s not the route I envisioned, I couldn’t ask for anything better. I hope you find the greatness in your journey and a ton of satisfaction from it too.
Corinna recently posted…A Fire Sacrifice for Lila & Govinda
Yes, the journey should be enjoyable too. I’m starting to realize there isn’t any sort of “magic age” where we will have met goals. Life has a way of happenings and changing the time frame or the goals themselves.
I hear you. It seems as I turn every birthday into a soul-searching “am I doing what I should be doing” occasion, and the older I get, the greater the urgency to ensure that the way I’m “living my days” is the way I want to live my life. As long as I bring God into my introspection, I think it’s a good thing. Happy birthday!
Michele Morin recently posted…Another Day. Another Adventure.
I love the way you worded that: “Living my days the way I want to live my life.”
I totally understand how you feel. I had so much I wanted to accomplish before 30, but life just seems to go by so quick and before you know it you’re 30 and you haven’t done everything you wanted to in your 20s. But ya know, that’s okay. Don’t put pressure on yourself. 30 really isn’t so bad and I think I’m in a better place now than I’ve been my whole life.
Thanks for sharing on the Shine Blog Hop!
Tiffany | A Touch of Grace recently posted…It’s Finally Friday!!
I’m absolutely positive that my 30s will be just fine. I’ve been feeling a bit better since sharing what I’m going through. It’s been so nice to hear that other people have struggled as well. 🙂
I know EXACTLY how you feel. It’s been hard on me too, to turn whatever number and feel like I should have more to show for it. That’s why I’ve taken to choosing how old I’ll turn each year 🙂 Instead of how old I really am, I’ll just say “I feel like being 25 this year” or whatever. Works for me 🙂
Brittany at Equipping Godly Women recently posted…Nine Things Every Foster Parent Needs to Know
I like that idea!